Don’t Give Up

It’s been four years since I wrote anything about mental health and my advocacy towards it. I started in 2011 coming out with my bipolar 1 and sobriety from drugs and alcohol. When I started, it was freeing and felt good to give back my experiences and how I attained stability from such a difficult illness. I was diagnosed in 1995 and came out 16 years later when life was beaming with stability and creativity. I met a mentor which later became a friend. He lived with the same illness and went throughout the country speaking and giving keynote speeches about his life with mental illness. I really admired him.

Before we became friends, he was a trainer for a program by NAMI called, In Our Own Voice. I enrolled in the training and I also became a presenter. I listened intently and wanted to be successful as a presenter and spread hope from living my life in recovery and how I reached stability. The stability I reached was getting a job in a municipal government position, getting married, having two beautiful children, and buying a home. This is still my life, which gives me immense happiness and joy.

With the creativity I had in 2011, I started a project called Instinctive Bird, which is an outlet to express recovery and stability which brought a different kind of feeling of joy. I would speak to parents and caregivers of loved ones who struggled with mental illness and tried to give them hope in dark times. I was creating videos, blog posts, and self published a book, No More Crutch. I started a website, and would post on social media to spread my views living with mental illness and sobriety. It was exciting and heartfelt.

I thought about being like my friend, and what it would be like to do this for a career. I believed it would bring a success to my life and I loved the feeling of paying it forward to fellow mental health peers and caregivers. I had this feeling for about 7 years as I lived my daily life and being creative with Instinctive Bird. I believed the grass was greener on the other side.

It was 2018, when I got news that my friend died by suicide. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe it. I never saw it coming. It changed my life and crushed my perspective of mental health advocacy.  I thought to myself, “does what I have to say matter”?

Now it’s been four years without advocating to people about mental health. So, why am I writing this? I’m writing this because we as people living with mental illness need to hear the ups and downs of life. Suicide is never the answer. It affects everyone in and around your life. We all need to be heard. This being said, we need to have a voice. I’ve come to a new understanding about what advocacy means. It means to me, to express an example of life through lived experience. If I don’t continue having a voice, it can be a direct result of that suicide. I’m not going to give it that power.

I’m a member of an organization called The Stability Network. They were hosting a presentation online. The presentation was called the Power of Storytelling. It was four Stability Leaders sharing their lived experiences with mental illness. As I was watching, I got inspired to share my story again. It was messages of personal truth and honesty. I need that in my life again.

1 out of 5 people are diagnosed with a mental illness, but 5 out of 5 people have mental health. My declaration is to not give up. Give messages of hope the power. Even in dark times, there will be light. We have a voice. Don’t give up.