Who Is In The Driver’s Seat?

March 26, 2015

Facebook. I am on it again. How did this happen? I was writing intentions, meditating…suddenly I am on Facebook… I can’t even tell how long it’s been: two minutes? Five? Ten? What am I doing here? What am I looking for?

Back to my writing and meditation… Setting the intention. I intend to catch what gets me off track and nudges me to check my e-mail, Facebook, text messages and whatever else might be coming through the cyberspace. I realize that even if that message has arrived, it’ll be waiting for me there, it won’t disappear. But the problem is, I am unaware of getting online in the first place, like a drunk who’s wondering when he’d drank his first glass of the night and how many he’s had…

Emotions are brewing inside of my body, ranging from hi tides to low, from enthusiasm and inspiration to depression and despair: it’s exhausting! I recall how my ex-husband asked for a divorce just two days after telling me he’d love me forever… My super successful, accomplished student left after the performance of her life, at the peak of her career… My boyfriend unexpectedly broke up the most amazing relationship of my life…

Things are going well… and all of a sudden I am terrified…. Are all of these my patterns of behavior? Lessons I need to learn? Did I do something to sabotage great things? Am I about to sabotage the amazing stuff from unfolding? What gets people to quit when things are going well? Why do we do that? I feel bad. My stomach is flipping. “Stop! Stop flipping!” I want to yell. I want for this feeling to go away.

I know it’s all because of these anxious thoughts in my head: “He will leave, he is not going to respond…you won’t get that job… they’ll change their mind…”, and so there goes another round of checking e-mails… Oh, if I’d only received a confirmation that everything is well, I’d feel better… And then I suddenly realize that my true concern is what others are thinking… “Doesn’t he miss me as much as I miss him? Doesn’t he think what I think? What does he think about? Did I do okay? Did I say something they didn’t like?”

My stomach doesn’t respond kindly to those thoughts. What am I doing meddling in their business anyway? Do I really care about their feelings and thoughts? Honestly, all I really want is to feel better! But I’ve attached my pain to others, so I no longer have control over it… My student left. “Why? Because I am a bad teacher.” Makes sense, right? But it doesn’t. I am not a bad teacher. I am an amazing teacher, one of the best in the world. “Then why did they leave you? It must be you, you are not good enough, you did something wrong,” asks the ever-logical mind.

I often give my clients a very simple assignment: go to a public place, lie down on the floor, count to ten, get up and leave. Anyone can do that. It doesn’t require special skills or knowledge, it is not dangerous, it doesn’t threaten one’s life, and there is no risk of injury. However, they find this homework crazy challenging. Most of us are more afraid of what people will think of us, than anything else in the world! It’s interesting that we seem to somehow ‘know’ ahead of time what people will think of us. However, those who summoned the courage to do this exercise have discovered how wrong they were. The truth was, NO ONE CARED about them lying down on the floor! And no one cares about what you think and feel, even when they say they love you. What they are really expressing is the emotions they are experiencing, and since that is happening around you, you feel like you’re the cause. But in reality it’s never about you, it’s about them.

Am I at peace or off balance? If I’m feeling off, I must do whatever it takes to regain peace. But if I believe that you are causing me pain, then I must make you change or at least blame you for my suffering. Sometimes we’re unaware of falling into those mind traps!

People leave, break up, quit and lie. Why? Because that’s what people sometimes do… I’m no longer taking Aikido, Tai Chi and Kundalini Yoga classes. I loved my teachers, I loved their classes, I loved how they made me feel. I was never bored, and looked forward to more. Yet I stopped. It’s been almost two years, and I miss that still. Then why did I stop? I can’t even remember, but I am sure there was a reason and it had nothing to do with my teachers or the classes. It had to do with the emotions and thoughts I was experiencing.

Perhaps, when things are going too well, we may get restless. Sometimes we can’t handle feeling too high or too low. We like to stay in-between the two: not too good, not too bad. And when we reach the habitual threshold of happiness, we may begin to feel anxious, recalling the past pain… “Remember that day? Everything crashed! I can’t deal with that again so I should find a reason to run away… “

Awareness is a good thing. Finally, I am off Facebook, and I can examine what I’m feeling and why. And then I can choose to accept those feelings. There is nowhere to run, nothing to do. Just to allow, experience, accept and love yourself. And as you do, you will find yourself capable of withstanding stronger emotions, higher vibrations, and your system will become more accustomed to more joy, love and happiness. You will find yourself reaching new highs. But really, it’s the lows that are strengthening you, strengthening your nervous system, like the weights that assist us with strengthening of our bodies…


Faye Kitariev is an author of the Bestselling book Choreography of Awakening, inspirational speaker, and performance mastery coach. She holds a Master of Arts degree in Spiritual Psychology, and certifications in hypnotherapy and yoga. Faye is a competitive U.S. figure skating coach and choreographer. During the span of her 24 plus year-long professional career in the sport, she coached and choreographed for numerous national and international skaters, among them such athletes as U.S. National champion and an Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen and World bronze medalist Johnny Weir, and she just came back from 2015 US Nationals held in Greensboro NC, where she coached her new Olympic protege. She is a member of Toastmasters International, and recently was chosen for a Member Moment among 313,000 members in 126 countries.

Faye is the owner and the president of the international coaching firm: Make the Impossible Possible. She works with individuals, groups, and companies, helping them to unleash their inner potential and live successful, fulfilled lives.


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